Jesus' Love Language

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You’ve probably heard the phrase “love language.” Gary Chapman, a few years ago, wrote about the theory that different things say “I LOVE YOU” to different people. Dr. Chapman proposed five love languages: Quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and meaningful gifts. He said it’s helpful to know the love language of those who are important to you so you can communicate effectively.

For instance, if your child’s love language is words of affirmation (such as “You’re doing a really good job,” or “I love how creative you are”) and your language is physical touch so you’re not using those words, you may not be fully communicating your love to your child. 

By the same token if your language is quality time and your spouse’s language is gifts, you may be yearning for quiet time together and getting frustrated because your partner keeps bringing you little presents that you don’t need. You can see that gentle honesty is important here.

This theory is not scientifically proven, and other authors have identified more love languages, but almost everyone agrees with the principle: People express and identify love in different ways. So if you love someone you’re going to want to find out what says “I LOVE YOU” best to that person.

When you find the answer, you don’t have use that language perfectly. But you can try, do your best, because you love them and you want them to know that. And you can sincerely apologize when you don’t get it right, then be willing to try again. 

Do you know your love language? How about the people in your life who are important to you: Do they know what your love language is? Do you know theirs? Finally, what do you think Jesus’ love language is? How do we show our love to him? 

And now a pause for clarification: All this is predicated on a basic belief that we are loved by God. There are many different names for the Divine but we are Christians so that’s the wording I use. Jesus loves us. 

How I wish I could express this so clearly that all of our doubts, fears, and hesitations are cast into shadow by the light of this love! The rest of this sermon will be nothing but words if you are not willing, at a minimum, to entertain the possibility that what I say is true: Jesus loves you. Yes, you. 

If you have ever loved anyone, know that that is just a faint echo of the love God has for you. Our Creator, our Source knows all about you and loves you thoroughly, steadfastly for one reason. Jesus loves you because he loves God, and God loves you because God made you. That is the only reason. You are loved by God because you are created by God. You will always exist in one form or another—God will never go POUF and unmake you—so God will always love you. It is that simple.

Now. If you want to strengthen that relationship with the Divine, let’s think about how we can let Jesus know that we love him. Based on the witness of the Gospels, I think there are three parts to Jesus’ love language. And those three parts are revealed in the scripture passage for this sermon (Matthew 14:13-21). This is a familiar Bible story, the feeding of the 5,000, so it’s a good one to use as we learn an unfamiliar concept.

For today’s visual aid, I’m asking you to draw or print a pie chart with three equal sections. Write one word in each section: COMMUNICATION. COOPERATION. COMMUNION. And over the course of the week, put a mark in the appropriate section every time you COMMUNICATE with God, or God COMMUNICATES with you. Every time you COOPERATE with God. And every time you COMMUNE with God. This is not to make you feel bad but to encourage you to notice, to be mindful of what’s going on in your relationship with your Lord.

Because I believe those three things comprise Jesus’ love language. We love him because he loves us, and we show that love by communicating, cooperating, and communing.  

First, let’s look at communication. When we pray, let’s be honest about needs (our own, and others’). In today’s gospel story, the disciples told Jesus what the people needed, and maybe what they needed too. It had been a long day and I’m guessing they were tired of all these folks. “Send them away, Lord; they need food, we need a break.” 

If there is a need of any sort in your life, you can always pray about it. You can always share any emotion with your Savior, even if you’re angry at God or disappointed. Then listen when the Lord tries to communicate with you, mostly through Scripture as interpreted through Jesus’ life and teaching. That’s why it’s helpful for us to read our Bibles regularly, every day – not commentaries, or other people’s opinions, but the Scripture itself so that you can have a solid foundation.

The second aspect of Jesus’ love language is cooperation. He told the disciples what to do, and they did it. They probably didn’t understand, they may not have obeyed with a smile, but they cooperated. In the gospel of John, Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15) What are those commandments? Love God, and love human beings…including those near to you, and yourself. Honor humans. Recognize the inherent worth, the image of God, in every single person including yourself.

It’s important to know that this relationship does not exclude others; it draws others in. The more we love God, the more we’ll love people. Communication doesn’t mean much without cooperation and our cooperation for Jesus means showing his love to those we encounter.   

And the third element is communion. Jesus is not just hanging around in the ethosphere waiting to be needed, ready to swoop in like Superman and then swoop back out. He wants a relationship with us. Quality time on an intentional, regular basis. And he wants us to develop true fellowship with those around us. This is not easy and it takes time. 

The gospel reading says, “Everybody ate and was satisfied.” Everyone had communion, fellowship.  I think it was more than physical sustenance; I believe there was a sense of unity. Closeness. There was commonality, not separation. There was acceptance, not rejection. There was peace and hope, emotional and spiritual comfort though they were sitting on a rocky hillside.

My friends, this is what our Lord offers us. Right now, today, and every other day for the rest of our lives. But it’s hard, really hard because we’re trained to be rational – we’re proud to say “Seeing is believing.”  And for those of us who have lived through deep pain and trauma, as children or as adults, it can be especially difficult because basic bonds of trust were broken. 

Please don’t feel bad, don’t feel like you’re a failure or spiritually inadequate, if you’ve never or only rarely experienced this special communion with Jesus. But know that it’s there for you – not because you are perfect, but because you are loved. There is a richness, a fullness, a depth waiting for you. No matter how much you learn about our Lord, there will always be something else to discover, and that is the thrill of walking with Jesus.

Our pains, disappointments, fears, needs, plans, wants – they’re all real, they all matter. But walking with Jesus is more real and matters more. 

Since we love him, let’s work to communicate, cooperate, and commune with him. Maybe we know now what Jesus’ love language is, but we still won’t “speak that language” perfectly. We won’t completely learn it till we make it home to glory. Let’s try, though. Let’s do our best, because we love him and we want him to know that. And we can sincerely apologize when we don’t get it right, then be willing to try again. 

Because the relationship with the Divine is more important than anything else. 

Because we care about that relationship so much that we don’t want there to be any barriers between us and him.

Because we love him based on his deep, steadfast, unchanging, eternal love for us.

There are many of you here who pray regularly and read your Bibles. Communication is important; thank you for working on that. Many of you who earnestly desire to help other people, and seek to obey Jesus. Cooperation is crucial; thank you for every effort to walk in the Light. And now please know that communion is waiting for you. Ask Jesus to reveal himself to you, ask God for deeper fellowship and sweeter friendship. Ask for fuller awareness of the presence of our Creator, our Source, our Wisdom, our Righteousness—beside you, within you, around you every day. 

If you’re not ready to do that today, please know that our Lord will be ready when you are. Just ask.  

PRAYER:

O God, you loved us before we were born and you love us still. You grieve when we are in pain and you rejoice when good things happen to us. You have drawn each of us here today. May the light of your eternal love shine on the seeds of hope and truth that have been planted, so that we will know that we are never alone, never abandoned, never forsaken, and always—always—loved.