For Non-Offending Parents of Survivors

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-Acknowledge that it was never your child’s fault. Don’t focus on what they couldn’t do to protect themselves. True blame lies with the abuser.

-This fact doesn’t stop us from feeling guilty. Shame, depression, anger, self-blame—these are all typical for parents of survivors, no matter what age your children are now. 

- Grieve as necessary and when you need to, then remind yourself that you can't change the past. You can only work on taking the next best step.

- Be honest with yourself and with God about how you feel. Forgive God if necessary. You don’t want anything to separate you from your Source of true comfort and hope. 

- “Forgive yourself” has never worked for me. This is too big, and I can’t forgive myself for it. I have to rely on God's forgiveness. 

- If you have conversations with your child about this, focus on what will help your child. In prayer, focus on your child AND yourself. In therapy, focus on yourself.

- Concentrate on what you can control (mainly your prayers, responses, actions). You can’t control the past, you can’t control your adult child, and you can’t control God.

- Don't let guilt and disappointment blind you to what God is doing. Remember that the Lord loves your child even more than you do. 

- Hold fast to pertinent promises in Scripture. There is nothing too hard for the Lord, and all things are possible with God. It is even possible for the Lord to gradually lift your burden of guilt and shame; the best thing for you to do is focus on your relationship with your Savior. 

- Be patient with yourself. Your child’s trauma was also traumatic for you. Ask God to help you break painful thought habits.

     For more information and for possible help, please see our list of no-cost or sliding scale resources. There are not many available for parents, but we are working to find more and will continue to update the list. Also, know that you are welcome to email me, any time, at Mary.Brown@SilenceBrokenNow.org. (I am a survivor, and my beloved offspring is also a survivor.) We pledge to maintain complete confidentiality, and we will never charge for any service that we provide.